Easy does it

I was on a call with other coaches and female entrepreneurs the other morning and we reflected on the roller coaster ups and downs that we go through as small business owners. Switching hats between the writer, the marketer, the coach, the consultant, the podcast host and the salon host makes me happy because it allows me to be all the things I want to be. But it comes at a cost. 

This morning, I realised I was in an energy deficit moment. When levels are low, it can manifest in a myriad of ways. Mood is generally negative, frustrated perhaps, even angry for little or no reason. Some of us may feel tearful. And others shut down. 

But life goes on around us. 

Whatever your age, gender and personal circumstances, just like me you’ve certainly found yourself challenged and in need to go against the grain at times. 

I was taught to push through even when everything in me says I need a mini-break (a piece of chocolate, a cup of tea, or an actual weekend away).

With the end of the year approaching at the speed of a bullet train, I remembered an alternative perspective to pushing against, or pushing through. 

How about finding ease instead?

Tara Mohr’s excellent book Playing Big ends on chapter 10 with what I wish could become my personal mantra: 

‘Let it be easy’ 

In it, she explains the falsehood of the old narrative, which we could all do with letting go. 

“Research shows that trying to motivate ourselves out of fear, guilt, and shame simply doesn’t work, and that in fact, being compassionate with ourselves is much more likely to cause us to act in alignment with our intentions.” 

She then quotes psychologist Kelly McGonigal from the Stanford University School from her book, The Willpower Instinct: 

“My students commonly argue that if they are easy on themselves—that is, if they don’t focus on their failures, criticize themselves when they don’t live up to their high standards, or threaten themselves with horrible consequences if they don’t improve—they will slide into sloth. They believe that they need a stern voice in their head controlling their appetites, their instincts, and their weaknesses. They fear that if they give up this inner dictator and critic, they will have no self-control at all …. If you think the key to greater willpower is being harder on yourself, you are not alone. But you are wrong. Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control …. In contrast, self-compassion—being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure—is associated with more motivation and better self-control.”

Mohr ends by offering: 

“As McGonigal reminds us, we want to set up plans for action that work for “the most exhausted version of ourselves”—not an idealized version of ourselves.”

Acknowledging my own needs as well as my long-term goals, I’m plotting short breaks around my week to give myself some rest and reset. 

Serendipitously, my local Italian deli is offering my favourite today: their homemade Parmigiana di Melanzane. 

My Christmas tree arrived early, so while I’m not celebrating Thanksgiving, I’ll be in my little cocoon of a holiday later this evening with plaid and dog cuddles, chocolate and some fairy lights. 

What would it look like for you if you planned for the most exhausted version of yourself? 

What would things look like today or tomorrow if you embraced the mantra: Let it Be Easy? 

Exercise in a pill is coming for you. Is it a good idea?

Clothes swap is the best alternative to waste, says Wonderland Magazine. 

My friend Anna reminded me (via her IG Story) that some people are still doing beautiful things in the world, and that felt really good.

Want to clear out the cupboards? Don’t wait until January to donate to charity shops, explains Caitlin Moran.

Amanda Gorman strikes again. Am mildly obsessed with her Wicked Poem.

Kate Winslet slayed on BBC4. Best thing I’ve heard in weeks. 

Artists call on the TATE to divest from donors tied with the Israeli government. 

A fashion photographer returns to his roots to shoot his community in Brazil in this shoot for the Financial Times. 

A few weeks late in sharing this surprising news: Crocs has unveiled their dog collection. I’m weirdly not against it. 

Is America in a gender war? The post-election social media tsunami of posts affirming ‘your body, my choice’ signals troubling times. Read on at the New Yorker. 

The dating apps are officially trending down as we (me included) look for real-life ways to connect.

This one question could make women more persuasive AND likeable, said Inc.com. I followed the breadcrumb, read the article and listened to several interviews of psychologist Alison Fragale, currently on a media tour de force around her new book, Likable Badass. She makes a compelling case for women needing to come across as both assertive and caring, the essential importance of status, and deploys a long list of tactics to get us on our way to success. Listen to her on the HBR Women at Work podcast as a good starting point if this titillates you as it did me. Shame her team turned down my request to interview her for Out of the Clouds. Perhaps another time.

On a similar theme, I loved this interview of research scientist and psychologist Emma Seppälä, PhD, on the neuroscience of emotion regulation and how to cultivate Positive Relational Energy. The author of the newly released book Sovereign is the Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, and she also teaches executives at the Yale School of Management. 

It’s been a few weeks since my last Digest, so I thought I’d highlight some of the wonderful guests I enjoyed interviewing on the podcast. 

First, the wonderful Jeremy Langmead, former editor-in-chief of Sunday Times Style Magazine, GQ and Wallpaper, who later made Mr Porter, the online style destination. We chatted about his career in fashion, his experience with and work to raise awareness about prostate cancer and the intersection of vanity and authenticity, especially for male grooming. I find Jeremy to be the most charming and kind person, and despite us talking about cancer for half the episode, you’d be surprised how fun and cheerful it is. I know it’s my own show, but I highly recommend you listen to it. 

Next, I spoke to Turquoise Mountain’s president, Shoshana Stewart. We had the pleasure of meeting just a year ago when Shoshana took part in the 30th anniversary celebration of Pippa Small’s ethical jewellery brand. A long-time partner, I was wowed by Shoshana’s charisma and vision for the unique NGO founded by King Charles. She shares her very serendipitous career journey alongside the challenges and the essential nature of the work her team does for cultural heritage preservation in Afghanistan and other war-torn regions. It's impossible not to want to be in her orbit; this one is to share if you want to hear a story of making a positive impact by supporting artisans. 

The latest interview features yoga teacher Kia Miller. I love to mix my guests, and I’ve been practising on Glo.com with Kia for 5 years now, so I was very ready to have a conversation with the talented yogini who blends kundalini practices with vinyasa-style yoga. When I need a quick energy boost (yes, I could have thought of that this morning), I turn to her classes, as the mix of movement, breath practices and meditation never fails to uplevel my energy. If you’re curious about yoga - kundalini or other - and tapping into the source of your inner power, this interview’s for you.